There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
