this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
