Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
