did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
