I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
