best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
