I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i was born a porn star she said
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
