I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
