i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
