I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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