We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
