Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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