I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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