My hair reeks of homosexuality.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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