Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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