Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It's rum buckets o'clock
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
