I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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