its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
