we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
