I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
