I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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