I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
