She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
