You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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