I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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