also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Randomize
