It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
