I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
