this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
