Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
