party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
