Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
