it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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