so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
