my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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