I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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