I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
