I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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