My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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