Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
