"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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