She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
And then he peed in my hair
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