VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
