Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
