Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
