They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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