Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
We are two peas in an std pod
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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