our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
