Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
