A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
