im about as happy as oj after his trial
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
